Past & Trauma

2017-2022

i step into the cool night
it’s disorienting
it’s to the point of nausea
every step is another
away from you is another
way for me to break free

for years it was motions
unfamiliar and foreign
i needed a jumpstart or
an opportunity where i could
abandon you like a car broke
down on the side of the road

– Choices

have yourself a drink
it’ll give you time
to think about how
much time was spilt
over the canvas and onto
the floor

you’ll never recover you
will find another and
before you know it you’ll
see it all come
crashing down before you

moon shines brightly upon your skin your hair
glistens and brings me back
over and over and makes me
feel like i am the one again

it’s not enough to save us
we were already long gone
as i weep because
nothing will ever be the same

solution to syracuse


2013

purely out of spite
i have survived you for so long
i don’t know how to heal
the wounds you left on my body

i have reclaimed most all you took
but you are still present in my actions
why do i continue to act as
though i am still in your kitchen
pouring svedka down the sink
why do i continue to act as
though i am still in your bathroom
chain smoking and cringing while reading aloud
why do i continue to act as
though i am still in your bedroom
not knowing the worst hadn’t come yet

you have ruined so many things
grieving, i had still let you in
even though i knew i would regret it
you run through me like a stampede

i am still sometimes laying on
the floor in your apartment
begging for safety and solitude
but receiving heartache and pain

did you find a replacement?
a new punching bag to do as you please?
i don’t give a fuck if you’re sober now
because you’re a fucking disease

– flashbacks

our bodies were not shaped only
for breeding and supplying
for fucking and dying
for obeying and crying

our bodies were shaped for
love and care
the wind blowing through our hair
the freedom of living and breathing

it was never your choice
it was always ours
it was never your duty
it is always ours

– we are not just breeders

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